Just Hold Me
by Nutmeg321
Summary: Set Six years after series 4, what if Emily didn't say anything after Naomi declared her love? Now more mature, the past Naomi has been running from is about to catch up and change everything. Please Read and Review. Spoilers Naomily!
1. Dreams and Memories

My eyes flickered open as I awoke in the dead of the night, my breath caught in my throat as my heart pounded in my chest. Red flashed like electricity in my mind and eyes. The dream was so vivid. It had been six years and even thought Naomi had dated and loved others, she still dreamed of Emily Fitch. I sat up in my bed, and rubbed my eyes, I knew from experience that I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep again. Red filling my thoughts and plaguing my conscious, I thought about the last time I saw Emily. It was the night of the party in Freddie's shed; I had choked out the words I had tried so hard for months to find, tears falling down my cheeks, as I never broke eye contact with Emily.

"_I have loved from the first time I saw you, I think I was twelve. It took me three years to plucked up the courage to speak to you. And I was so scared of the way I felt, you know loving a girl. I learned to become a sarcastic bitch to make it feel normal. I screwed guys to make it go away, but it didn't work. When we got together, it scared the shit out of me because you were the one person who could ruin my life. I pushed you away, I made you think things were your fault, but really I was just terrified of pain. I screwed that girl, Sophia to kind of spite you for having that hold on me, and I'm a total fucking coward because I got these. These tickets to Goa for us, three months ago, but I couldn't stand. I didn't want to be a slave to the way I feel about you, can you understand? You were trying to punish me back and it's horrible, it's so horrible because really, I'd die for you. I love you. I love you so much that it's killing me"_

_I spluttered the last words and looked up, hope shimmering in my eyes as I looked at the one person I had ever truly loved. I waited. But Emily didn't move, she stood stuck to the spot, staring at me. Tears overflowed falling down her perfect cheeks. I waited for her to say something, but nothing came. The only sound came from the gentle padding of the rain on the tin room of the shed. She did nothing. My chest ached, it burned, it shattered. I felt my heartbeat pounding through my ears and felt my heart break. I tore my eyes from Emily and stared around the shed. JJ. Cook. Effy. Panda. Thomas. Katie. They all stared at me. There eyes hollow. They knew. They saw it before I did. No matter what, Emily would never want me again. I was fucked. I was stupid. I was worthless. I was weak. I took one final look at Emily, tears cascading down my cheeks. Her mouth was slightly open but no sound came out. _

"_Emily", I whispered the word out, with a sense of finality and knowing. _

_With that I ran from the shed into the rain and into the darkening night. The rain was icy on my body but I was numb. My blood rushed in my ears as I ran as fast as I could through the stone streets of Bristol. Thoughts flew into the air as I ran, tears running down my face, becoming one with the rain, and bile pooled in the back of my throat. I had no direction, my feet pounding on the pavement, it felt like hours but in reality it was hardly half an hour. _

_I felt the vomit slide up my stomach and I spotted, vomiting into the guts on my knees. Emotional pain swelled in my guts as I struggled to breath. I felt as if my existence was meaningless. I was crashing. I was shaking. Everything was blurry. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I couldn't. I collapsed onto the ground. I was numb to the rain, to the cold. Gentle hands touched my airs as the world went black and my head crashed into the tar road. _

_I awoke in an unfamiliar room, tucked into a warm bed. My head ached and when I gingerly touched it, I had a large bruise on my forehead. _

"_You hit the road pretty hard"_

_I looked up to Effy sitting calmly on a stool near the foot of the bed. She wore a large t-shirt and tight ripped up jeans. I knew straight away the shirt was Freddie's. I realised in that moment, we were more similar than we let on. Both broken. Both of us ran away from love and in the end lost it. _

"_You're clothes are still drying", she spoke softly, and nodded to the nightstand. Two panedol and a glass of water sat with a clock. Six. It was evening. I had slept for nearly twenty-four hours. I nodded thanks, and gulped down the pills and water greedily. _

"_You're phone has been going off non-stop", Effy spoke to me, gently. No expectations of an answer hung in her voice, just a statement. _

_Emily. I flinched at the very thought of her. And shook my head. It was too painful. If I had a heart left, it clenched at the thought of the redhead. I fell back into the pillows, running my fingers through my hair. My soul ached. She didn't want me. The only person to breach the fucking Naomi Campbell fortress and I had driven her away. I was scum. I was worthless. I had fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to me. I began to sob. Every single moment with Emily played in my head. Her smile. Her voice. Her kisses. Her touches. It tormented me. I could hear her laugh and I became hysterical. Effy slipped onto the bed and held me close. Rocking me delicately. No words passed between us. I felt wetness fall on my hair and when I looked up I realised she was crying too. _

_I don't know how long passed while we stayed like that, quietly grieving our losses. Comforting each other. Slowly the tears subsided and Effy gently let me go. _

"_I can't stay here"_

_My voice was raw and hoarse from lack of use and dryness, and I looked at Effy as I said them. _

"_I can't fucking stay"_

_Her eyes were unreadable as she stared at my fierce raw expression and my bloodshot eyes. _

"_Okay"_

_I left my mobile on Effy's nightstand, unable to touch it and read the messages from Emily. It was too much. I was too raw. Too broken. Effy had silently packed a shoulder bag full of clothes and pulled me down stairs. _

_Throwing me spare clothes to wear, by silently agreement, we didn't bother going to my house in Emily was there (she had her own key). Effy wrote her Mum a note. It apologised and told her she would be in touch and that she was fine but she couldn't stay and be reminded of the her broken heart._

_It was eleven o'clock as we boarded the last bus. We didn't know where we were going; we just had to get out. _

We travelled around for a few weeks, getting fucked up. Waking up with no memories. Again a silent agreement never to fuck or kiss played between us. We were broken; we were grieving, fucking someone else would only fuck us up more. We had both played that card and it had been our death card.

Finally I remembered Goldsmith University and we went to London. I did a degree in Writing and Politics while Effy with her fake A levels got her own place and took a degree in Photography.

It was now six years since we had run away. We shared a small flat on the outside of London; we had travelled all over the world. Effy was a work photographer with a small gallery in London and I wrote for a small London paper on politics or whatever took my fancy. Looking back on it in bed now, I can't help but feel pride at our achievements. My mum came to visit once a month and Effy's mum was the same. We had agreed never to speak of Emily and Freddie, but the dreams persisted.

Some philosophers believe dreams can be prophetic to the future, I wish I had listened to them. Cause my dreams were about to crash course with the reality fucking train.


	2. Effy and Forgetting

A/N: I don't own anything! Abit of an angst chapter..the fun begins chapter 3 ;D

The smell of coffee wafted through the air of our small cottage, my room glowed in the morning light and outside I could hear the gentle stirrings of life. Though I personally had not slept a fucking wink. I sighed and tried to push thoughts of the redhead away. She didn't want you, Naomi. You poured out your soul. You pretty much threw your heart to the wolves. I shook my head and got out of bed, stretching my long limbs and glancing at the mirror in the corner of my room. In six years I hadn't changed much. My hair was longer, highlighting its natural wave and was still peroxide blonde but I had a side fringe that fell over my right eye. I was still the same height but my build had become wirier. I slipped some underwear on and a t-shirt. Even in six years I still didn't wear pyjamas, _Emily was my pyjamas. _

"Good morning", I said picking up a mug of coffee and nodding at Effy. Her response as usual was a grunt and bleary-eyed blink. She had never been a morning person, usually rising after noon but today she had an opening for a new collection of photographs.

To an outsider Effy was unreadable and expressionless, but I knew her better. I could see the bubbling excitement and nerves in her swigs of coffee and tapping foot. As was tradition I always went to Effy's openings for support, unbeknownst to her I had spoken to my editor and I was writing an article on her and her work. I was excited to see her newest collection it was always engaging and inspirational. She could make anything beautiful, from the most desolate landscapes, run down buildings and crying children.

I looked at Effy from behind my mug. She was as Freddie had said on our first day of college, _beautiful. _Her forest brown hair was long and wild, her eyes were a bottomless ocean of greens and blues and age had only improved her. Her cheekbones were more defined, her skins flawless and her body still that of the seventeen-year-old girl I first met wandering the college halls. Effy had had a few lovers over the years but none had stuck. The word 'love' never used. I knew she still waited for Freddie. That she dreamt like me of pasted love. Lost love. She loved a ghost. I remember the day I saw my first glimpse of the real Effy. The day her world ended. The day she saw his funeral notice.

_The smell of body odour, vomit and garbage filled my nostrils and I felt my stomach turn over. The alleyway was hard and rough beneath my body and I ached all over. Another night of being monumentally fucked up was taking its toll. I felt like an eighty five year old woman; tired, aching and my blood pumped through my veins like painful custard. _

_I looked at Effy sleeping on my shoulder, her eyes fluttered open with my movements and she stared at me. I knew what she was saying and I nodded. We couldn't keep running. She had run with Cook and she knew that nothing good came from it._

_I sighed and lit up a fag, drawing in the nicotine deep into my lungs. Effy stood and stretched, only to fall back against the wall and fall down. We both exploded with laughter, still fucked from the night before. The lingering traces of booze and pills fluttering through our bloodstream. We laughed so much until we were rolling around the ground, almost hysterically. Suddenly Effy stopped laughed and stared down at her hand. I looked at her, and saw she was shaking. _

"_Effy. What is it? What's wrong" I said in a croaky voice, sore from a night of screaming and yelling. _

_She shook her head, and began to rock back and forward. Continuously shaking her head. _

"_Effy" I said it louder, gently touching her shoulder yet pulling away when she physically flinched. She mumbled "no" under breath, shaking her head and rocking back and forward. She was entranced. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a crumpled piece of paper in her hand. I pried it from her hand and stared at it. It was a newspaper page. _

"_Fucking hell", I choked out the words as my chest tightened. No. It couldn't be. . No. No _

_Freddie was dead. Dead. Dead. Freddie. Effy. Effy's Freddie. I shook, as tears welled in my eyes, blurring the words on the page._

_In loving Memory of _

_Frederick Mclair_

_1992-2010_

_You were taken from us, _

_But will live on in our hearts._

_I dropped the paper and stared at Effy, her mantra of 'no' had grown into louder and was quickly ascending. I stood entranced until her screams bounced off the wall and I wrapped my arms around her, sitting with her in the filthy, smelly alley. Our tears entwining on the pavement. _

I shuddered as I stared myself in the mirror, fiddling with my bangles. Effy couldn't move, speak or stop rocking. I took her to a local motel, it was scummy but it was better than nothing. I placed her in the shower, cleaning her up and trying to calm her down. Nothing worked. She could not be awoken from her trance, 'no' had turned into 'Freddie' but she didn't scream it just quietly whispered it. It was agony. She unravelled. Wouldn't touch food or drink. Just laid in bed, I had never seen anything like it. In reality as I look back on it, this was truly the end of the old Effy. She had lost her soul. She was a vessel. She was just an empty meaningless void. I couldn't help her. I couldn't comfort her. I could just hold her. Feed her. We stayed in that nameless town for a month. And with each coming day, Effy improved. She never spoke of what had happened. Never acknowledged Freddie's death but I knew that it was Freddie's voice inside her head that saved Effy.

As I slipped out of the house with Effy, I couldn't help but admire her. She had been through so much, but she was still so strong, She was broken. Shattered. But she lived on, like a flower burnt, she had regrown into the beautiful successful artist and woman she was today.

"Naomi, stop fucking daydreaming and get in the car", Effy said, rolling her eyes at me and hopping in.

"Sorry Ef" I whispered, smiling slightly.

I glanced around the crowded gallery and took a slip of my champagne. I always felt so out of place at these events. The higher and middle class of London mingled together, gazing at the huge pictures on the walls, slipping champagne with thoughtful expressions and whispering quickly to their companions. It was a hit. I felt myself swell with pride at Effy's success and how far we had come. We may be lonely losers, but we were successful hot lonely losers.

I smiled to myself, and wandered around the gallery and smirked as I caught sight of Effy deep in conversation with a tall attractive older man. She caught my eye and raised her eyebrow, I raised my glass in congratulations, she nodded a thank you before turning back to her companion.

Oh yeah, Effy was so going to get some time with some attractive and charming male tonight. I sighed and thought about the last time I'd had sex. I think my libido was similar to that of an old nun. Males. Females. I had experienced enough with both, it may have had passion but the emotion always lacked for me. I was still waiting for fucking Emily in that doorway. I growled. Fuck her. Fuck it. I sculled my drink, and grabbed another. I was going to get laid tonight. I need it. I need to forget and have some fun.


	3. Champagne Punches

I walked through the gallery like a cougar on the prowl. Tonight, I needed to feel something more than my own hand and ghost touches of Emily's lips. Dressed in red heels and a black dress, my long hair wavy around my shoulders, finalised with light make up, and personally I thought I deserved to be appreciated.

As I looked around the gallery there were a number of attractive gentlemen mingling through the crowds, but tonight I didn't want a stubbly chin and chest hair, tonight I wanted soft thighs and full lips. It wasn't hard to pick the straight from the gay here. Generally half these women came just to get in with Effy. I smiled when I thought about the fact that people often thought we were a lesbian couple, the thought of Effy and I wasn't horrible but we loved each other so platonically it could never happen. We had been through too much together, and plus she was a cock cruncher, not a muff muncher.

I slowly peered around the room, when my eyes fell on a young woman. Her hair was as red as Emily's had been but cut short in a bob. Emily would never cut her hair that short so I was safe. I couldn't see her face, but she had feminine curves, covered by a short dark blue strapless dress. I smiled in earnest and slowly strolled towards her. My last attempt at flirting had ended with me dancing on the dance-floor by myself. I took a deep breath.

"Hello", I said standing just behind her

"Hi"

Her reply was short and soft, not even turning to look at me. Maybe she was shy.

"Enjoying the showing?" I asked, taking a sip of champagne.

"Sure", came her reply in the same short and soft tone. Okay so maybe she was just rude or maybe she wasn't gay. I decided one last try, her arse was damn firm. Please.

"It's beautiful isn't it? My name is Na-" I had barely spoken when she whirled around at me

"Look. I'm sorry. I'm sure your lovely. But I'm just not interested. I had a shit day and I just want to unwind in peace. It's not that you aren't very attractive or beautiful. You are. But I'm just not interested", she said quickly staring up at me.

"Emily?"

I choked on the word. My heart stopped beating. It couldn't be. Not in six years, of all places. Here. Now. Me. Her. I watched as a variety of expressions played through her eyes. Confusion. Shock. Hurt, and finally anger.

"Naomi", Emily pretty much spat the word out.

My palms went sweaty and my throat went dry.

"Yeah. Long time, no see" I replied feebly. Long time, no see. What the fuck was I thinking? I had never thought I'd see Emily again. Let alone what I'd say to her. She was the reason I was this living zombie.

Suddenly I feel pain explode through my jaw. Yep I deserved that. I crash to the floor, landing on my arse, a shocked expression on my face and my champagne glass smashed. I looked up at Emily holding my jaw, her mouth hung open. Clearly she didn't expect to do that.

Effy appeared at the front of the crowd forming around us, and took one look between us and shook her head. She glanced at the crowd, and rolled her eyes, clearing her throat, breaking the silence and walked over to one of the lounges. Immediately people began to mingle around her again and the party continued.

"Oh my god, Naomi. I'm so sorry", Emily reached for me, trying to help me up but I flinched away instead standing by myself and casually brushing myself off avoiding her gaze.

"It doesn't matter. I probably deserved it" I reply, nodding thanks to the catering staff for cleaning up the smashed glass. I certainly didn't deserve it She had been the one who didn't want me. I was definitely still in shock.

I saw Emily shake her head slightly and her gaze sweep over me. She's evaluating me. I blushed and looked away.

"You didn't deserve it", she stated simply to me, regret present in her eyes.

I uncomfortably fiddled with my bangles on my wrists, wondering if a natural disaster or perhaps even knife-yielding psycho could run through the room and distract Emily from me. God wasn't that understanding.

I ran a hand over my jaw. It would be bruised in the morning; it was already swelling.

"Sorry", she mumbled under her breath and turned away to the photograph on the wall. While she ignored me I took a moment to really look at her, I don't know how I could've missed it. The hair, maybe short but still as silky and thick. She had grown into her curves but I never thought I wouldn't recognise those hips. Pressed against mine. Her lips on my-Whoa. Easy. She hates you. She broke you. You should be angry.

"You're right. It really is beautiful", Emily said softly.

"She's so talented. Come along way from the Effy Stonem from Bristol", I said icily yet secretly smiling with pride.

"Effy? This is Effy's work?" Emily asked, astonishment in her eyes, she glanced at my quizzical expression, she added "I came with some friends, I didn't catch the artists name".

I nodded and gave a small smile.

I wasn't sure we're we stood right now. I hadn't expected her to punch me and I still wasn't sure why she did. But if experience had taught me one thing, you didn't start a fight with a Fitch twin. I chuckled at this, and then was suddenly overcome with sadness and regret.

Emily was here. With me. In Effy's gallery. The one person who had ever broken my heart. Who in fact had stolen my heart and I had never gotten it back. The girl I had laid my heart out to in front of all our friends and she had stood there like a scarecrow. I growled. Fuck this shit. She had damaged me. I wasn't going to stay and have a nice dandy chat with my ex-girlfriend. And she had punched me.

"Bye Emily", I said icily and began to walk away, when a hand stopped me.

"Wait", Emily said softly. Her skin burnt into mine and I snatched my arm away. She sighed.

"I'm sorry for hitting you. It was unexpected. I just never thought I'd see you again", she said softly, genuine regret in her eyes.

"It's fine", I growled at her. I was hurting. This hurt. To see her, be next to her. She was so different, yet so similar. Age had only improved her looks, and I couldn't help but want to fall into the dark brown pools of eyes.

"No, it isn't. I'm sorry. You're already swollen. Do you need ice?" she asked gently, her eyes tracing up my sore jaw. Fuck, those eyes.

"No, it's fine", I said. I couldn't say her name. My mind was filling with memories. Days in bed. Her laughter was ringing through my ears. Her naked body glistening with sweat. Her dark brown eyes staring into mine in the darkness of my bedroom. It was bubbling up. I had to get out.

"As lovely as it's been, punching I mean catching up, I have to go. So uh bye" I stated simply, nodding at Emily and turning my heel. As I walked away I heard Emily's husky voice whisper

"You look good, Naomi. Take care"

I found my way up to the loft above Effy's gallery. Vodka. Vodka. Vodka. I slugged a mouthful from the bottle and sat down on one of the lounges. Emily. Emily. Emily. Red flashed through my eyes. Memories. Kisses. Touches. Groans. Laughing. The phrase 'I love you' crawling along the back of my neck. With every thought I took a swig. I wasn't just intoxicated by the alcohol; it was Emily too.

She made my head spin. I sat there for what felt like hours, drinking deeply from the bottle. She was creeping through my bloodstream; I was engulfed in red as I blacked out onto the sofa. My last thought being she called me beautiful. Emily fucking Fitch.


	4. Orange Juice Battles

I felt like shit. I didn't remember ever feeling this bad after a big night on vodka. It was like something was on my chest. I fought to open and my eyes and hissed as the dull grey London light cracked through the windows. Fuck. I tried to move my arm to place it over my head, but found myself unable to move it. What the fuck? I looked down and found my face in a nest of hair. Red hair. I inhaled deep, breathing in wine, smoke and the unmistakable sweet scent of Emily. Emily. I tried not to panic, to remember last night. My last thought had been Emily before I passed, and unless she slept with me while I was unconscious then this wasn't too bad. A headache throbbed in my temples and I had to close my eyes. Fuck. I had no idea how Emily had ended up on my chest, but I was pissed. Secretly I was pissed because I was enjoying having her body so pressed to mine, besides the fact my arm was dead. I smelt her hair, and let my mind drift to memories from the past.

"_I love you"_

_I smiled at Emily as she whispered the words as she kissed her way up my chest to my neck to my face. Her brown eyes bore into mine, and I felt myself shiver at the amount of love in her eyes. _

"_I love you too", I whispered closing the gap between us until our noses touched. _

"_Really?" she purred, her eyes darkening, "enough to fight Katie?"_

"_Yes", I whispered, feeling the heat form between my legs at Emily's husky voice._

"_Enough to make me breakfast in bed?"_

"_Of course" I sighed as her tongue suckled on the space behind my eye._

"_Enough to take care of me when I'm an old lady"; she pulled back and looked me in the eye. She was testing me._

_I sat up and took her face between my hands, gently stroking her cheeks._

"_Emily, I will love you until the day my old shrivelled heart stops beating", I said softly, my eyes boring into hers._

_She blinked away the tears in her eyes and pulled me close, our noses bumping for a moment and dragging my lips to hers. There were no more words. Just actions and feelings; touches and kisses; sighs and moans. _

Emily stirred on top of me snuggling deeper into my body pulling me out of the memory, she had fucked me over but I couldn't say I didn't miss us. But she wasn't my Emily; my Emily is still seventeen making love to me beside the lake. It ached to have her so close and yet feel so distant. I exhaled heavily.

Ah fuck. I woke her up.

Emily stirred on top of me, stretching and blinking as she stared at me through sleepy eyes. Our noses bumped together, as we stared into each other's eyes. I had to break the trance; it was too much. I was drowning in chocolate eyes. I couldn't breath. I wasn't going to be lose myself to her again.

"You have really bad morning breath". Was I mentally retarded?

Emily turned bright red and rolled off me, standing up and walking to the kitchen. I instantly missed her warmth but shook myself out of it. She broke your heart and you're about ready to bake her a pie and say 'welcome home honey'.

I sat up, refusing to turn and look at Emily. I was stiff and hung-over I didn't need ghost of girlfriend past wandering around my kitchen. I didn't need this. I was happy. Moderately. Kind of. Fuck it.

"Not to be rude, Emily but why the fuck are you here and why were you on top of me", I said standing up and staring at her.

Emily stared at me orange juice and glass in her hand; she blinked and continued pouring her drink.

"Emily?" I asked in my most icy tone.

"Keep your vagina on, Naomi"

My mouth dropped open, at her cool tone and the repetition of my own words. I stared at her, anger and resentment evident on my face. She glanced up and sighed.

"I saw you. Got smashed. Woke up here. I have no idea how I got up here or how I ended up on top of you. So stop being such a twat and calm it down", she said barely looking at me

I was shaking with fury. She had broken my heart, punched me, come into my home, slept on top of me, which technically I wasn't bitching about and now she was being a rude cow to me.

"I think you should leave Emily," I said angrily.

"That's what your good at though isn't it Naomi?" she retorted

"Excuse me" I said, hands on my hips.

"You heard me, Naomikins," she said, moving towards me, ready for confrontation, practically spitting Cook's old nickname at me.

"Well look whose finally learnt to _be brave,_" I snarled stepping towards her.

She hissed at me and glared up into my face

"Good to know some things don't change, Naomi, you're still a scared little girl hiding behind a big 'fuck the world' charade", she snapped at me. Fuck she was hot when she was angry. Bad Naomi!

I narrowed my eyes and clenched my teeth. Emily Fitch was not going to win.

"And you're still Emily Fitch, the sad unknown twin. Hiding behind Katie, rather than living? At least I'm trying to be my own person; I'd hate to live my life in my sister's shadow, especially a shadow so small. What are you going to Emily hit me again?" I growled at her.

She glared at me, anger burning through her eyes.

"Fuck you", she spat before whirling around and striding to the door.

"Well fuck you right back," I said. This was a battle of the past. She stopped and I stalked over, standing a few centimetres from her body staring fiercely down at her.

Standing this close I could feel her body heat, smell her scent and the orange juice on her breath and even felt the anger bubbling around her. Our eyes were locked, and I felt her breath hitch as my heart pounded hard in my chest.

I inched forward, forcing her to step back, her back colliding with the wall. We were so close. Our bodies touching; heat radiating around us. Fuck me I was aroused. I felt her shudder at the feel of my body.

"I hate you," I heatedly whispered to her

"I hate you", she whispered back, licking her lips as she stared at my mouth.

"You fucking ruined me", I said closing the distance between us as she put her head up. I couldn't stand it. I hated her so much. My eyes fluttered closed as I drifted towards her.

"Good morning"

Emily and I sprang apart, and stared at the naked Effy strolling into the kitchen, we avoided looking at each other, both of us staring at Effy. I nearly kissed Emily. Fucking hell.

We heard ruffling around the kitchen and then Effy emerged again, strolling back towards her bedroom.

"There's orange juice in the fridge"; she called over her shoulder before disappearing into the bedroom.

"Did that just happen?" I heard Emily breath behind me.

"Emily, it was a mistak-", I started before I was interrupted

"Did Effy really walk through naked, or am I still drunk", she said, her mouth still slightly ajar.

I couldn't help but feel slightly irritated. My body was just as good as Effy's. No. I was angry with Emily. To add to my already bad mood, I was angry, irritated and frustratingly aroused. I growled.

"You know when you're angry, you blink a lot. It kind of make you look like you have a psychotic tick" I hear as Emily quietly shuts the front door. I stand there mouth open, staring at the empty space where Emily had been.

"Emily fucking Fitch" I yell into the loft.


	5. Cafe Surprises

"So once again, how did she end up in our loft, on top of me", I asked Effy fiddling with the coffee in my hands.

"For the twelfth time, Naomi, she was trashed, Gerard helped me get her up the stairs and he threw onto one of the lounges. He didn't realise you were on it", said Effy rolling her eyes

"But isn't it kind of obvious when someone is laying on a lounge?" I ask, staring pointedly at her.

"Not when it's dark and you're in a bit of rush. If you get my meaning", she said glaring pointedly back at me.

My mouth formed a 'o' and I shook my head chuckling at my best friends antics. It was rare, she slept with someone but I was glad she had found someone to appreciate her, even if just for a night.

"Oh my god. It's Emily", I stare out the window of the little café and suddenly try and hide behind a menu.

"Naomi. That's a postman", Effy tells me.

"Oh" I say, blushing.

"You've been doing that all morning. Emily, no that's a woman with a pram. Emily, no that's a man. Emily, that's a horse. Seriously, chill. She really got under your skin", said Effy laughing at me

"No. I just don't want to run into her. Cause if I see her again. Well. It won't be pretty" I say staring at the menu.

"Well here's your chance Rocky, shes right behind you", says Effy, looking over my shoulder.

"What?" I say, spinning around and looking all around the café, searching for the redhead.

"Just kidding" Effy says chuckling at me.

"Ha-Ha. You're so funny, Ef. I'm literally wetting my knickers" I say, taking a sip of coffee.

"I heard wetting your knickers" comes a husky voice from behind me. You have got to be fucking joking.

I snap my neck around so hard, that I cringe in pain. Yep. There is my Emily. I mean Emily. Not my Emily. Fuck.

"Naomi and I were just talking about you, Emily. Weren't we Naoms" says Effy looking innocently between Emily and me.

Fuck you Effy. I'm never ever buying your favourite groceries when I go shopping again, or lending you any of my clothes.

"Sorry, Emily no wankers allowed you'll have to leave" I say childishly turning back to my coffee and taking a big gulp.

"Oh I see, well that's a problem because I own the café" Emily replies smugly.

I spit out my coffee, all over the table and begin to cough. Effy hands me a napkin and pats me on the back, all while a smug smirk is engraved on her face. She owned the café.

"You own a café? This café?" I said clearly dumbfounded. Emily laughed softly and I felt my heart melt. I was in shock. I was proud. This was one of the most popular morning and lunch café, known for it's cool and relaxed atmosphere, the midnight jazz and blues on the speakers, the coffee was to die for and so were the casual or light meals.

"Yes, I started working here when it was a dump during university and when the owner kept getting in trouble with the health and safety board I offered to take over. He was old and gross, but apparently he had a daughter my age who had passed away and when he died last year, he left it to me" Emily said glancing between Effy and I, pride and sadness written on her face.

I sat staring at Emily proudly, she had done well, I had never doubted she would be still. The three of us said nothing for some moments taking in Emily's short story. She sure had changed.

"So uhm. What can I get you" said Emily awkwardly, stuffing her hands in her jeans pocket. God she was cute, when she was awkward.

"Would you like to have dinner with us? Tomorrow night? At our home, just outside London?" Effy asked Emily, staring up at her with those unreadable dark eyes.

What the fuck, Effy.

"Uhm. Thank you, but I can't. I'm having dinner with my roommate, he's been out of the country and just returned home" said Emily, staring at the floor.

"Bring him along", Effy stated. It was a statement, not a question. You didn't mess with Effy Stonem. Emily nodded and turned away, while I sat at the table four hundred thoughts processing through my mind.

In the last twenty-four hours, I had met Emily again, been punched by said Emily, slept with her (platonically), fought with her, nearly kissed her, insulted her in her own café and now having dinner with her at my home.

What. The. Fuck.

This was the same girl who had let me go, the only person I had ever loved and she had let me walk away. I couldn't breath. This was too much. Emily didn't get it, she never would. I would never belong to her again. I couldn't.

I stood up and walked out of the café, Emily's café. I needed to think, I couldn't even look at Effy, anger and sadness were bubbling like bile in my throat. I left without a word in the distance I could hear Effy calling my name as I walked through the doorway.

I strolled through the streets of London, fag in hand and tried to process. It was all too much. Life wasn't supposed to bring these turns and coincidences. Emily had damaged me. I had opened my soul up to her and instead of open arms I got bitter silence. I exhaled the smoke and sighed.

I wasn't sure how I felt. On the one side I ached for Emily but I didn't want to let her in. I couldn't. It had hurt too much last time. I was _so fucking fragile_. I put my head in my hands, I was so torn up inside. Emily's presence brought out a side of me I had long thought gone. The romantic side; the illogical, irrational Naomi. A girl who thought with my heart over my head.

I had left the best of me with Emily when I ran away. The truth that I had buried deep inside of me was coming out, the thoughts that tormented me during the night. Though Emily had broken my heart by letting me go, it would always belong to her and by her being around it brought back the painful reminder that she didn't and still doesn't want me. Being with Emily had taught me to _be brave_, but when I left, I lost that part of me that wanted to be brave, that wanted to love and fight for love.

I just wanted it simple, sure I had 'loved' a few between Emily but it wasn't real 'love'. It didn't change me like Emily had. It didn't make me feel invincible and yet at the same time so vulnerable. It didn't make me feel on fire. Only Emily had been able to do that, only Emily had written her name on my heart.

"You know you weren't and aren't the only one hurting"

I froze at the voice behind me and shook my head I didn't need this right now.

"Don't. Please" I say, stubbing out my fag and standing up.

Emily stood there staring at me, dressed in tight black jeans, an oversized t-shirt, which I think was mine with a leather jacket over the top. It shook me that she wore my old shirt.

"I won't come to dinner, if that's what you want" she said quietly

"I don't know what I want anymore" I said staring at my feet, in my peripherals I could see her nodding.

"I'll see you tomorrow night, okay?" I say, walking past Emily, she was so close I could almost feel her warmth.

She nodded again, not looking at me but instead ahead, as I left, I heard her call my name.

"We have to talk Naomi. You can't keep running and I can't stay silent anymore" she called to me.

"I know. I just think this talk is over six years late" I reply and walk away leaving her with her thoughts, trying desperately to will the tears away.


	6. Home again

"You have a second chance, Naomi, don't you see that? You lost Emily but you have a chance to find some closure?" Effy said softly as we pulled up in of tour house outside London.

"I'm aware of that, Elizabeth, but it's not your place to try and fuck around with it. I'm an adult and you have no idea how I'm feeling right" I say shortly unbuckling my seatbelt.

" Fuck you. Freddie is dead, Naomi. He was murdered by my own fucking therapist, he was beaten to death, remember? You think I don't know about pain, sadness and loss? You think you know about loss and heartbreak you don't. You're just the same scared girl running way from the possibility that someone might care. You fucked Emily over and then when you finally put yourself out there you got rejected. Boo fucking Whoo, at least you can still see Emily. I live on hazy ghosts" she growls at me.

I stare at her in shock, tears trickling down my cheeks. I get out of the car and slam the door, and walk into our house.

"Aunty Naomi!" his voice fills the house and I feel four limbs wrap around my body.

"Hey little man, how was your weekend with Nanna?" I say, pulling the six year-old boy into my chest closer, smelling his sweet child like scent.

"Awesome, we ate ice-cream and saw the boats" he said, this innocent eyes wide with excitement.

"Really? Wow, I wish I was there" I say placing him down as he ran off towards the living room. Slowly I followed him.

"Hello Anthea" I half smile at her

"Hello Naomi, love. How was the city?" Effy's mum had changed a lot in six years, she was a mess but with the birth of Freddie James Stonem she had grown into a mature older woman.

"Good. Interesting" I say sitting down watching little Freddie play with his X-box. He was so much like his father it was incredible. The long gangly limbs, the mocha skin colour, the raven locks but he had Effy's piercing ocean eyes. I close my eyes and think about the day Effy realised she was pregnant.

_I had just arrived back to the room from buying some shopping in the nameless town, opening the door I found Effy sitting up in bed, her eyes alert for the first time in weeks. _

"_Hey" I said, dropping my bags and uncapping the milk for a swig._

"_I'm pregnant" _

_I choked so hard, milk came out my nose and half the bottle went down my front. When I finally calmed down I looked at Effy and she stared right on back until we broke down in laughter. We laughed until our stomach's hurt and little tears fell down our cheeks, it was the first time in weeks we both felt a tiny bit of humanity touch us and we clung to it. As we calmed down and lay on the bed together, silence overtook as the thoughts processed through our heads._

"_I want to keep it. It's my final part of Freddie, this little being we made together. I can't lose it. I'm a complete fuck up and I'll be an awful mum but I can't let him slip away" Effy whispered her hands on her flat stomach. _

"_I know" I whisper back, gently placing a hand over hers on her stomach, "I'll be here the whole way" _

"_I'm scared Naomi, but for the first time in my life I feel hopeful like I'm doing something meaningful. Our baby is us. He lost his life but somehow in all this death, destruction and pain, a new hopeful little life is formed. So fragile and unknowing" Effy told me as tears streaked down her cheeks. _

_I nodded; this was Effy on her way back to sanity. It was intense, and raw. So heartbreaking yet so incredibly amazing because it was as if fate had stepped in and brought Effy back to reality in the only way she would possibly be pulled back. _

"_God I hope it's nothing like your mum or dad" I say to her, trying to break a little of the tension. _

"_Oh fuck me, I pity the poor little bastard if it is" she replies smiling brightly through her tears._

_Effy squeezed my hand over her stomach and we smile at each other. Fate was a strange and powerful thing. _

"You alright Naomi love", Anthea's voice drew me out of my trance and I nodded smiling at her and looking back at Freddie engrossed in his game.

It hadn't been easy, first we had arranged to meet Anthea and discuss what was to be done. She was both pessimistic but thrilled and then once we were set up in this little house, nine months flew past and Effy was squeezing my hand in a crowded hospital room.

"_It's a boy! Congratulations Elizabeth, you have a beautiful son", said the nurse smiling and placing the tiny blanket wrapped bundle into Effy's arms._

_Effy stared at the baby, tears falling down her face. I knew. This was the moment the old Effy slipped away, the girl from Bristol who got fucked up every night of the week, to the woman who had lost the love of her life but gained something in the process. _

"_He looks like a alien" I say to her grinning. _

"_Just like his father" she replies, to me smiling._

"_What we going to call him then" I ask her gently running my finger over the beautiful babies cheek._

"_Freddie" she says simply and I can't help be doubtful of the name._

"_You sure?" I say to her, worry in my eyes._

"_Yes. Look at him" she says gazing adoringly to the little baby. Mocha skin and raven black hair. He was Freddie's alright. _

"_Freddie it is" I smile at her_

"_Freddie James" she says to me. I look at her wide eyed and nodded. Cook. I never thought Effy thought about Cook but maybe I was wrong._

"_Frederick James Stonem. Welcome to the world. We'll try not let you get fucked up by it" I say squeezing Effy's hand and kissing Freddie's head. _

"Mummy!" Freddie threw himself at Effy and snuggled into her neck.

"Hey Freds" said Effy pulling him close, her eyes closing as she clung to him. She always missed him even if they were separated just for the weekend. They clung to each other for a few moments before pulling back as Effy smiled at him and he happily chatted to her about his weekend.

"Sounds wonderful, monster" said Effy putting him down and walking over to embrace her mother. I decided this was the time to leave and headed to my bedroom. The moment I slipped onto my bed I crashed. A thousand memories of Emily, Effy and baby Freddie overtook my conscious and I slipped into them drowning. Effy's painful words repeating themselves over and over in my head

When I woke up again, Effy was sitting on the bottom of my bed, Anthea must have gone. I sat up but avoided looking at her. She'd hurt me. It was the truth but it was the truth that hurt the most.

"I'm sorry" she whispered to me, crawling up next to me and snuggling into my shoulder, "I'm so sorry".

I relaxed my body and slipped my arm around her.

"It's okay", I say simply, and it was. Effy was right I was still scared and I still cared so deeply for Emily, so much that it was killing me. I wanted to connect with Emily but when I was with her after every skipping heart beat a painful twinge followed.

We stayed in silence, holding each other. Both our heads filled with thoughts from the past.

Suddenly out of nowhere the door burst over and Freddie charged into the room, bouncing onto the bed and on top of us.

"Mum, Aunty Naoms, can we have pizza for dinner?" he said smiling charmingly at us.

"Will you bugger off if I say yes?" Effy asked him pulling him closer between us.

"Nope" he replied snuggling into my pillows and the space.

"Okay then yes we can have pizza", I replied and wrapped myself around him. We lay there, just the three of us, Freddie asking questions about random things all the while Effy clung to my hand. He was his father's son. Sometimes I think Freddie's birth was the day Effy and I were truly reborn.


	7. Dinner and Cook

I paced my bedroom, fiddling with my dress, my ex was having dinner at my house, I wanted no I had to look hot. But not like oh I'm dressing up for you, I had to be hot but casual, so I had opted for a dark purple strapless pumpkin dress, it was casual but sexy at the same time. I tried to smile at my appearance in the mirror. I looked hot. My hair was wild and curly down my shoulders added with a light amount of makeup and a dress that suited my figure perfectly.

My palms sweated as it got closer to seven o'clock, I didn't know why I was nervous maybe it was Emily's promise of a proper talk or maybe it was this fluttering in my stomach like a thousand butterflies. I shook my head, and stood up walking out to where Effy was finishing up cooking. The moment she saw me, she pointed to a large glass of wine waiting on the counter.

"You're a saint" I say and take a big gulp.

"Dinner is ready, we have the fridge stocked with alcohol, and you're looking hot. I think we're ready", said Effy laughing at me and clinking glasses with me, "but seriously. It's going to be okay, you need this".

The doorbell dinged.

"Let's get this party started" I said to Effy holding up my glass to hers.

"To getting monumentally fucked up by love", said Effy clinking mine and we sculled our drinks, "I'll get the door, you get more drinks"

As I poured more wine, I could hear Effy greeting Emily and then a familiar male voice filling our house.

"Well, well Naomikins, you have grown up nicely haven't you"

I turn around and nearly broke the glasses in my hand. James Cook. He hadn't changed one bit. I stood staring in shock. What the fuck was James Cook doing in my home?

"Ah wine. Gimme" he said, reaching for the wine. I couldn't believe it after all these years, Cook.

"Ah James, not to be rude. But what the fuck are you doing in my house" I said, taking a sip of wine and blinking hard.

"He's my roommate, Naomi, we've lived together for about two years", I followed my eyes to Emily's voice and my throat went dry. Wow. She looked beautiful. Her short hair was pined up and her fringe was down, her cute retro black dress clung to her curves and finished just above her knee, finished with classical Emily make-up and stockings. I tried not to salivate.

"Yeah been ace, hasn't it Red? We've been carving up the town Red and the Cookie Monster" said Cook, laughing loudly and pouring himself another glass of wine.

"Oh. Cool" I say, offering her a glass of wine and trying to physically shiver when our fingers brush. I look at Emily and stared deep into

"Mum, I think my game is playing up", Freddie strolled into the room, dressed in aeroplane pyjamas.

Glass shattered on the ground and there was a deafening silence echoing off the walls.

Effy stepped forward and picked Freddie up, snuggling him into her neck, turned to look at Cook and his broken glass. His eyes bounced between Effy and the little boy, his face a crimson red and you could see was physically shaking. A defiant and determined look stretched across Effy's face.

"James Cook and Emily Fitch, I'd like you to meet Freddie James Stonem, my son", she said softly. Her eyes never left Cook's as she said it and I could see in her eyes a fierce protectiveness for both of her Freddie's but then also a softness that I had only seen when she occasionally spoke of James Cook.

"Pleased to meet you Freddie James Stonem" Emily smiled at the little boy and waved to him. Freddie smiled a small smile and looked at Cook, his eyes curious.

Cook took a slow step forward, his eyes still bouncing between the boy and his mother, he was still shaking but his face was a normal colour. I glanced at Emily who watched on with interest.

When Cook finally spoke the words were soft and hoarse, his shock and obvious sadness dripping through his voice.

"It is nice to met you Freddie James Stonem, I'm Cook", Cook gently extended his hand towards the small boy, Freddie look frightened at first but then smiled and shook Cook's hand. The older man physically shuddered as his large hand enclosed the smaller boys hand, and I could see Cook trying to blink back tears.

I needed to break this tension, this was too painful; for all of us. I cleared my throat and we all jumped back into reality. Glass was on the ground and I dropped to my knees and began to pick it up. Emily placed a bottle of wine on the counter and gently kneeled beside me, helping with the glass. I smiled quickly and tried to the noticeably inhale her shampoo.

"So what's the game problem little man" Cook asked Freddie, he looked so vulnerable but still so strong, "I'm sure I can help, know a bit about games, I do".

Freddie wriggled from his mothers arm and grinned, dragging Cook and Effy by the hand disappearing into the lounge room as I finished clearing the broken glass away. Leaving me alone with Emily.

"Wow" I heard Emily breathe next to me and I looked at her questioningly

"Effy had Freddie's son. All this time and none of us knew, its just amazing", she said smiling and gulping down her drink in one hand.

" I think we're going to need more wine" I say grabbing the glasses and another bottle and heading to the lounge room.

It was startling sight to see the huge Cook, laughing and playing with the tiny Freddie while Effy watched on silent, a small smile on her face, neither happy nor sad. We laughed at Cook, spoke about old times and the things we use to get up to, the more we drank the it seemed so natural that we were all here. Dinner flashed past, with Emily telling funny café stories and Cook recounting tales from his travels, he now was home returning to a job with his own home security business.

It seemed to have all worked out for us in the end, but underneath our maturity and grown up characters I knew we were all just as broken. When Freddie had hugged Cook before bedtime I couldn't help but notice the way Cook clung and inhaled the scent of the little boy as if he was holding the ghost of his best mate. Cook was no longer the trouble making boy but a full functioning man who was still jilted by his troubled past but nonetheless maturing. It brought a sad smile to my face and I couldn't help but look at Emily and wonder if she thought about where we could've been had circumstances been different.

"James, why don't I take you on a tour of the house and you can evaluate our security", Effy breezed into the room and smiled at him, " I think we and Emily and Naomi have a lot to talk about". Effy glanced at with that and turned towards the backdoor. Cook glanced at Emily as if checking if she was all right and when she nodded proceeded to join Effy outside.

How awkward.

"You look lovely tonight Naomi" Emily whispered to me from across the table.

"Thank you", I replied her words stung but I couldn't help but blush, "So do you"

Emily smiled a little and nodded. We sat in silence, both of caught up in our thoughts.

"I've thought about you a lot" Emily's words came out quickly and I snapped my head up and looked at her.

"Emily. Don't", I said pleadingly. I didn't know if I had the strength to do this. I could feel Emily studying me with a piercing gaze and I had to stop myself from fidgeting.

"Where did you go", her question was simple but it held so much pain in her voice.

"Around. Nameless towns all the way from Bristol to London; there was a lot of alcohol, a lot of drugs" I said, staring down reflecting on past memories

"A lot of sex?" Emily cut in staring at me over her glass.

"No, actually" I replied, she snorted and rolled her eyes and I looked up at her.

"You don't have to lie Naomi, you wont hurt my feelings if you fucked a few people along the way. I did" Emily told me icily.

Anger flared inside of me, and I stood up from the table, pushing my chair over in the process.

"I didn't fuck anyone, Emily. The only person I wanted was you and you ruined it. _We were special_" she flinched at my use of words and narrowed her eyes.

"You ruined it first, Naomi" she said softly and coldly.

"And you punished me over and over for it. You think I don't feel guilty over six years later, I do. Let it go Emily, because it's sad if you're still hanging onto Sophia after all this time" I snapped at her, I was so angry. She didn't get it.

"Did you even read or listen to any of the messages I left you?" the message stopped me and I couldn't help but look at her, tears were trickling down her cheeks.

"No" I said, my hands dropping from my hips, " I didn't"

"Maybe you should've, maybe you wouldn't have run. I was stupid Naomi. I was surprised. I was so fucking torn up inside. I waited so long for you to say those words and yet I couldn't reach out for you. I was frozen. I was paralysed and terrified, and I've been paying for my own fear ever since", tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked at me and told me.

I went to open my mouth but she put her hand up and shushed me, standing up and walking towards me, I felt my heart pound in my chest.

"It's my turn to speak now, Naomi so keep your big mouth shut or I'll never get this out. You hurt me so much with Sophia but the worst part was I forgave you straight away and that scared me. I was a small bug caught in your web, and that fucked me around something chronic, and I'd been that my whole life and I couldn't be it with you. I loved you. You weren't suppose to fill me with self-loathing and regret so I punished you to make you feel small like I did and to prove to myself I was weak little Emily Fitch and it fucking killed me. Because. Because I fucking love you to pieces. It was like all those gaps I held inside were filled by you, because when I was with you, we were like one person. You made me feel so alive, you made me burn fire, you made me freeze like ice, you filled me and made me empty. You're that bitter-sweet taste on my tongue. I hurt you with my silence I know but I never thought you'd run and I'm so sorry. That you had to run, that you had to escape because of me. It fucking makes me dead to think I damaged you that much, but the truth is when you ran away you took a part of me with you. A part of me that still belongs to you today. Do you get it Naomi? You're still the bitter-sweet taste on my tongue, and I never want it to fade" Emily took a breath and stopped speaking, tears rolling down her cheeks.

I was speechless. I was shocked. I was confused. I was devastated. All these years, all this time, I had clung to my hurt and all the while Emily had still cared for me and was hurting too. Her words echoed through my heart, every beat was painful and the tension that stood between us was thick. I couldn't move.

Emily stepped towards me, and I felt myself begin to shake and I felt myself offer my hand out to her. Our fingers entwined burning my skin as we stood an inch apart our bodies touching, both our breath shaky as we stared deep into each other eyes.

"Just hold me, Emily, please" I whisper to her and my icy heart melts as her arms draw around me and I feel my weight drop into her arms and we cling to each other, tears falling.


	8. Morning After

I woke up wrapped in arms and a warm body next to me, the gentle dull light of morning cracking through my curtains and my soft bed beneath me. I smiled at last night, Emily. She had told me she still cared for me, that for the past six years I had been wrong. She had loved me she was just scared. I looked at her face, the beautiful red hair falling everywhere and perfect symmetry of her face. She was beautiful. After Emily and I hugged, last night is very hazy. More alcohol, Cook's booming laughter, Effy's curious stare at my and Emily's entwined hands, and me asking Emily to stay before I passed out. I run my fingers up and down her arm, and she stirs. Her chocolate eyes fluttering open and sleepily smirking at me.

"Morning" I whisper, and smile.

"Hi" she replies, snuggling into my pillows.

"Sleep well?" I ask her, letting go of her and rolling onto my back.

"Best I have in about six years" she replies and stretches. I can't help but stare at the way her breasts strain through the thin material of my pink pig shirt and I feel heat rush south through my body.

"Sorry, I borrowed it last night", says Emily noticing me looking at her.

"It's okay, looks good on you" I mumble closing my eyes and turning onto my side facing Emily.

"I always loved you in the mornings" she whispers to me and I open my eyes so both of us are laying on our sides staring at each other, "you're hair wild and all natural, so uninhibited by the outside world". I smile softly and search for her hand in the bed.

I wasn't sure what this was, it had been so long and nothing was set in stone but I couldn't help but feel alive. Emily was here. She was laying centimetres from me, smiling sexily at me in my bed. My eyes linger on Emily's lips and I can't help but shudder as I imagine her lips on my skin.

"What are you thinking about" she whispers leaning closer to me, her lips dangerously close to brushing mine.

"Nothing" I murmur back to her, inching closer to her lips. My heart beating hard through my chest, Emily amazes me when she gently places her hand over my heart and smiles at me.

"Doesn't feel like nothing", she breathes onto my lips.

"Its never nothing with you" I growl and push my lips to hers. Her lips are so soft and I feel myself melt into the kiss, its soft and gentle and chaste. I pull back for a moment and rest my forehead on hers. Our breathes hitched and mingled.

Slowly I move in for another kiss and I sigh as Emily softly begs for entrance into my mouth and I instantly grant her permission. Our tongues touch and a shiver and put more emotion into the kiss, Emily's hand coming up to trace my face. Intensity increases and we fight for dominance in the kiss, pulling each other closer as six years of pent up sexual desire, lust and love explode. We explore each other's mouths as hands roam over bodies desperate for unclothed skin. I slipped my hand under Emily's shirt my fingernails racking down her skin and she groaned into my mouth.

Emily rolled on top of me, devouring my neck as she slipped her hands beneath my shirt, grazing over my hardening nipples. Fuck I was aroused. I groaned as she cupped my breast and I arched into her hand. She ravished my mouth as she flicked my nipple and rolled my breast and I moaned into her mouth as wetness pooled between my legs. I sat up and Emily pulled my shirt from me, kissing down my neck and tracing her fingernails over my thighs as I shivered. Emily pushed me down, straddling my hips, her hair falling into her eyes and I swept it away, both of us laughing at the moment of affection in our lust.

"You're so fucking beautiful", she growled at me as she attacked my breast. I softly growl and kiss her neck, sucking on that spot I know drives her crazy. Emily slips her knee in between my legs and groans as she feels my wetness through my thin cotton underwear. She pushes up and I shudder with pleasure as her knee rubs my clit. Emily slowly kisses her way down my stomach, her fingers dipping teasingly into the waistband of my underwear.

"Emily" I growl at her and she pulls my underwear down my legs, before plunging her fingers hungrily inside of my dripping hot centre. I raise my hips and pull her mouth to my face. Emily slips her finger deep inside me and I groan into the kiss. Pumping inside me, rubbing my clit and pushing my secret spot, I raise my hips to Emily, and she dips her head to suckle my breasts as her hand furiously moves and pushes me closer to the edge. Sweat covers my body and I claw at Emily's shoulder at the waves of pleasure pulsing through me. Finally I shudder and arch into her as I come hard, softly chanting her name over and over as my orgasm washes over me.

I lay panting and covered in sweat looking at Emily, our fingers entwined as I bask in post-clitoral glow. Emily lays beside me, smug smile in place as she takes in my appearance.

"Fuck me" I sigh as I smile at her after I have calmed down

"I just did Naomi" Emily huskily whispers back to me. I look at her and see the lust and desire in her eyes.

I rolled on top of her and pinned her arms over her head, ravishing her mouth in a passionate kiss and felt her shiver at my dominance over her.

"You're wear too much" I whisper to her and I pull her shirt over her head and cup her breast while at the same time suckling the spot just below her ear. Emily withered underneath me, groaning into my hair.

I kiss my way down her chest, nipping her breasts and swirling my tongue over her nipple as my fingers teased her other nipple. I straddled her grinding my hips into hers as I pulled her underwear down and discarded them across the room.

I kissed my way up her thighs, teasing grazing my lips over her hot core before she pulled me up and kissed my mouth, raising her hips needily to me. I rake my fingernails up and down her thighs never quite reaching between her legs.

"Naomi, please" she sighed into my ear. I tried not to come at her husky desire filled voice as I abruptly slipped inside her and groaned at her arousal.

"You're so wet", I growl to her neck as I devour it.

"So wet for you, Naomi", Emily pants as I thrust inside her.

My speed is quickly increasing, rubbing, stroking, her swollen nub. I decide to try something. I flip us over so Emily is on top of me, my fingers deep within her. I moan as her eyes roll back into her head and she rocks on top of me. Our pace increases becoming furious and Emily arches her back as her orgasm washes over her, her fingernails digging into my thighs. Emily collapses on top of me breathing heavily. I snuggle into her and smile.

"Fuck me" she whispers to me

"I just did" I chuckle back at her as she pecks my lips and snuggles into my neck.

Suddenly there's a knock at the door and Effy bursts into my room. Emily squeals and pulls the covers over us.

"What the fuck Effy" I yell at her.

Effy stares at Emily and I and the discarded clothing all around my room and bursts out laughing. Emily and I stare at her, until she finally calms down.

"Looks like your night was as interesting as mine", she says cryptically before strolling out of the room and closing the door.

I turn and look at Emily, and we burst out laughing, snuggling into each.

"Crazy", Emily says to me.

"I know right" I reply as I pull Emily towards me for another kiss.


	9. Cover my Eyes

A/N: Do not own skins or La Roux!

" GET THE FUCK OUT" I scream, throwing Emily's clothes at her from my doorway.

"Naomi. Please. I'm sorry", she pleads with me, tears falling down her cheeks.

"I don't want to hear it, Emily. Just leave" I said, trying not to sob as I stared at the girl I'd never stopped loving. It'd been a week since the night Emily had stayed over and it had been bliss. Shagging like bunnies; in my room, in the shower, even once on one occasion the kitchen bench. We'd made love all day and all night.

It was like Emily was the glue healing my fractured heart. Adult Emily was so similar yet different to teenage Emily, still loving, kind, caring and hilariously witty but there was this internal growth, a stability, security and understanding of herself. I felt like I was falling with a parachute and I couldn't care less if I hit the ground.

This week had been one of the best in my life, getting to know each other, eating in bed, laughing at old jokes, playing with Freddie and sharing dinner with Effy and Cook who seemed more like an married old couple as each day grew on. I felt a sense of contentment I had lost years ago, I was in serenity.

"Naomi, it's over. I love you, I've always loved you", Emily calls through the door, sobbing softly.

I throw the door open and stare at her.

"Don't you even fucking dare say that to me. How dare you. You've been lying to my face, fucking me while all the while she's been waiting for you. You used me, just an old flame, a bit of adventure for your boring life. You're fucking pathetic," I snarl at her, "Now get the fuck off my property".

I've never seen anyone look so broken as I saw Emily, her hair was a mess, mascara streaming smudged down her face, tears falling everywhere and her eyes looking so lifeless and sad. No. I couldn't. I was drowning in my own self-loathing, pain and hurt.

In my ears my heart pounded, overloading my system as I stumbled blind through the house to my bedroom, collapsing onto my bed, the world went blank. Flashing memories of every single moment of the last decade ran through my mind, overflowed with every single aspect of Emily, it was too much. My heart excelled through my ears and I heard Effy's gentle calm voice and I fell into blackness.

Black invaded my system, as I tumbled through it before hitting the endless bottom with a crash. For what felt like an eternity I felt nothing. I was nothing. A lifeless entity floating through blackness, flicking like a candle flame every time Emily's soft whisper of 'I love you' crept through me.

"Fuck sake Naomi. Wake up"

I snapped my eyes open to see a very concerned looking Effy staring back at me, I blinked hard and tried to sit up, suddenly very weak all over, before collapsing back into bed, trying to pushing the probing redhead from my mind.

"Life's fucked", I choke out to my best friend.

Effy chuckles softly and gently pushed the hair from my eyes, affectionately.

"Isn't it just" she murmurs, handing me a cup of tea, and I nod in thanks, "you've been out for a few days. Every time I woke you, you'd mumble E- I mean her name and beg me for alcohol"

I nodded vaguely remember this but it felt more like a dream than reality. I sipped my tea enjoying the scolding of my tongue.

"She's been calling. Constantly. I had to turn your phone off, cause it was so full of messages and missed calls. Even fucking Katie has rung" Effy said, snuggling into bed next to me with her tea.

"I don't want to speak to her" I mumble, "she has a girlfriend. Someone who loves her and she's been here all week fucking me"

"I told her that but she wouldn't accept it. She told me to tell you, she'll wait until your ready to speak to her and she doesn't care how long it takes, she'll keep waiting"

We sit in silence as I process this. Emily. My heart clenches at the mention of her name and I feel the tears rush to my eyes, I try to fight it but I can't. I break down and Effy's skinny yet safe arms surround me.

Later in the night I hear the soft footsteps of Cook and Effy leaving for dinner on my insistence that I would be fine, Freddie was staying with Anthea to give us all some time together. The house is filled with an eerie stillness from less than a week ago when it was so full of life and love. I turn up my iPod desperate to tune out the emptiness in the house and my heart.

No wonder I'm scared

To look in your eyes

You've turned me away

So many times

You can take it away

At any given moment

It's hard to believe

While you're in this disguise

So would you hold me please

I'm trying hard to breathe

I'm just surviving

So would you hold me please

I'm trying hard to breathe

Stop me from crying

When I see you walking with her

I have to cover my eyes

(I have to cover my eyes)

Every time you leave with her

Something inside me dies

(Something inside of me dies)

No wonder it hurts

To sit by your side

(Turned me away so many times)

There's a different song

I can play you tonight

(We don't have to sit here in silence)

We can break the pattern

We can change the colour

(It's just a little sacrifice)

You don't need to worry about the others

(It's all in your mind)

So would you hold me please

I'm trying hard to breathe

I'm just surviving

So would you hold me please

I'm trying hard to breathe

Stop me from crying

When I see you walking with her

I have to cover my eyes

(I have to cover my eyes)

Every time you leave with her

Something inside me dies

(Something inside of me dies)


	10. Cyprus

Six months have passed since I'd thrown Emily out that day, the calls have become less and less as the weeks went by. The letters lingered in their envelopes and my bed cold. I left England a few weeks after I had learnt about 'Beth' Emily's 'ex' girlfriend.

Effy had tried to reason with me but nothing could alter my perspective, my broken heart needed time to mend for the thin stitches to heal and a deep bruising to set in. I had resigned from work like an old retiree, my bones aching from my crushing burden of carrying around this lead heart. As I had kissed Freddie softly on the forehead and breathed in his kid like naivety and thirst for life, I had once been so passionate but slowly it had slipped away, the fervour to do good and to be known, to enjoy the moments. I need to escape myself. I wasn't running away, the opposite really I was stepping from my comfortable zone to figure out who the fuck I was.

Effy, Cook and Freddie were my family. My safe harbours. Even Emily had been a symbol of that. But the problem was I'd never learnt to swim by myself. For all these years, I've blamed Emily for breaking my heart but in truth I had just clung to it as an excuse not to live because I was scared. Scared of having my heart broken again. Scared of going out into the world and experiencing it in case I lose my way, but in reality you can't have experiences until you've lost your way, until you throw yourself into the black barrelling waves of your existence because I see now that at first when you slip beneath the underwater world terror grips you like a claw but eventually you can feel the sand underneath your toes.

As I had lingered at the airport with Effy, I couldn't help but feel a sadness sinking through my pores. It had always been just the two of us, and Freddie of course but now Cook was here and when I returned in six months time everything would be different. She was moving forward as was I, but I feared we were moving in different directions and that terrified me. She must have sensed it, because she pulled me into a crushing bear hug and mashed her lips to mine in a chaste but strong peck as if to reassure me that we still belonged to each other and nothing could change that. She had stuffed a wrapped present into my hands just as I was walking through the gate, her eyes shinning and a small smile on her face.

"Take this, I have one too. So when you come back, we wont have missed anything in each others lives" her voice cracked on the word 'lives' and I realised how much I truly meant to Effy. I nodded and smiled as strongly as I could for her, and waved before stepping through the gate and onto the stretch towards the plane.

As I sit here on the shores of Cyprus my final day before returning to England, the flaming red sunset reminding me of Emily I can't help but smile. Six whole months and I felt different. A weight I'd been carrying around had slipped from my shoulders. I had done many things here, written everyday, danced, learnt to cook, sang, drunk, made friends, made love (but none of them seem to ignite a flame within me; and by them there was only two) and finally found a sense of calm and serenity of who I was. My whole life I had tried to reject who I was. Fighting the shackles of labels of society, and feelings that I was too scared to feel and yet here finally I had broken the barriers. I had learned to love myself, a lone figure with no one to rely on, I had learnt to breath again. I find the truth as I linger on this final page of the journal Effy had given to me; maybe we can never let someone fully love us until we love ourselves.

I won't lie; Emily has rarely left my thoughts, my head swims in a cloud of red haze but instead of fighting it I let it invade me. I let memories of Emily wash over me and I drown in her so much that it's almost like her arms are wrapped around me. When I had first arrived here, I was angry and hurting but the more I had to rely on myself the more I realised Emily had ruined her relationship with someone else for me and knowing Emily she would be absorbed in the guilt of her actions for both Beth and me. A long time ago I had opened myself to Emily in front of all our friends but the fates had taken Emily and I away from each other and I had slipped back into my shell. But as the days passed I felt my heart melt, a red flame flickering deep within me, and every thought or moment I was reminded of Emily, it sparked.

When Emily went away for the summer, travelling with her family I had been sad and lonely but Emily made up this game which she called postcard tag. She'd send a postcard from wherever she was, and then I'd send one from Bristol. It was silly but it made me feel connected and loved because it meant she was thinking of me and had mementos of me. So here I sit with a postcard of Cyprus but I have no idea what to right. How do you tell someone that it wasn't just her fault? That the only thing they'd done was love you but you couldn't handle it and pushed them away. I wish I could show her who I was now. I wasn't afraid anymore. So I'll write the only words that can tell Emily how I feel. The only words she'll understand, hoping she'll remember our postcard tag and understand everything I'm trying to say. With strong handwriting, I gently and slowly write the words, that are pulsing through my veins.

_You're it._


	11. Return from Cyprus

A/N: Sorry guys been away for a while with uni work but here's a new chapter, very rushed so I'm sorry for any mistakes. Read and review pur-leasee.

My palms were sweaty as I stepped through the gate at Heathrow, around me the other arrivals threw themselves at the families, lovers or friends, laughter and chatter filled the hair and I couldn't help but be disappointed when I couldn't see my own family amongst them but then again I hadn't told anyone I was returning to England. It was both a surprise for them and myself, I didn't know what told me I was ready to come home, it was like some internal pushing that urged me to pack my bags and jump the next plane to Heathrow.

As I lined up as the luggage collection, I took notice of all the exchanges of love taking place around me. The swinging of intertwined fingers, stolen kisses and the gentle squeezes of shoulders. I briefly imagined greeting Emily from a trip away, running my fingers through her silky red locks, my head against her neck feeling her rapid pulse and brushing my lips against hers in a chaste kiss and preview of when I got her home. I sighed, and shook my head. I had no expectations it had been six months and a lot could happen in that time, she could have found someone else, gotten back with Beth or even moved on I didn't think she would've waited for me but inside me, I clung to quiet hopefulness.

As I stared out the taxi window sometime later, I felt nervous anticipation buzz through me as London zoomed around me, still running even in my absence. The weather gloomy as ever, the buildings old and regal, the people rushing, it seemed so oddly foreign yet familiar to me. I thought about Effy and Freddie, wondering what they're reactions would be on my arrivals. I hoped there hearts were still open to me, six month isn't that long but I had completely blocked them out and I wasn't proud of that. I just needed time and space. I needed to be alone. Truly alone; no crutches and help, I had needed to learn to function and live without the comfort and safety of my family. I had plunged off the climb, and free fell into the unknown, and when I hit the ground I wasn't surrounded by warm hands and words of comfort, I had stood on shaky legs and dusted myself off. As the taxi, turned the last corner to our cottage, my palms began to sweat, nerves and excitement coursed through my veins.

I stared at my home, when we pulled up outside, it hadn't changed a bit, still glowing with an unkempt charm as I paid the taxi driver and stood outside my suitcase, backpack and guitar (a new hobby from Spain) my breath turned shaky. I took slow steps down the path, engulfing myself in homely contentment and when I finally reached the front door I briefly wondered if I should knock or use the key burning in my pocket. Key, this was still my home. I trembled as I turned the key in the door, and stepped through the door.

Immediately I was surrounded by familiar smells of home, I could never name it, just a distinct scent that I recognised as home. I could hear voices through the back of the house as I gently put my things down in the hallway, still unnoticed. Padding softly through the hallway, I smiled at how everything was exactly the same. As I came out into the clearing I saw them all sitting at the dinner table, Effy laughing as Freddie and Cook talked furiously fast. They were so beautiful and familiar, Freddie had grown, Cook was exactly the same cheeky grin in place as always and Effy. Well she was as stunning as ever, my heart skipping a beat just looking at her. Deep down I knew my leaving wasn't just for me. For so long Effy and I had been each other's walking sticks, not able to walk we hobbled along together. My leaving was a time for her to grow as well, to be the lover of Cook and the mother of Freddie without me there to take the tension away. As I leant on the doorframe I wondered if there was still room for me in their hearts, so lost in my thoughts I didn't notice the room go silent. Noticed at last, three pair of eyes stared at me, Freddie and Cook's eyes held joy but Effy's were completely unreadable. Tension filled the air and I knew I had to step up to this moment, I stepped out of the safety of the doorway and stood up straight in front of them.

"Hello", I whispered softly

Within seconds, two small arms surrounded me and I laughed as Freddie squealed my name over and over. I picked him up and swung him around the kitchen.

"I've missed you so much Nomi" he said to me, using his childhood nickname for me cause he couldn't pronounce Naomi.

"Not as much as I've missed you", I whisper to him and sigh inhaling his warm and scent.

"Stand down little dude, I think its my turn" a deep voice boomed and when I opened my eyes, Cook stood waiting with a huge wicked grin on his face. The moment I dropped Freddie, two huge strong arms engulfed me and tears fell down my cheeks as I felt myself picked up and swung in the same way I did to Freddie. I giggled and snuggled deeper into him. Cook was safety; he always had been for me. I knew he'd protect me no matter what. Eventually we let go and I stepped back, slowly looking up at Effy. She sat still, her eyes still glued on me, so fucking unreadable. I stared back at her, a small sad smile on my face. Tension hung in the air and I vaguely hear Cook mumble to Freddie to come to the park down the road. I glanced at Freddie's whose face was sad and confused as he looked between Cook and me.

"You'll still be here when I get back, won't you Nomi?", he asked tears in his voice, I kneeled down to his level and smiled genuinely at him.

"Of course, my darling" I said and he grinned before running towards the front door, I feel Cook gently squeeze my shoulder as he follows Freddie out.

Effy's eye never leave mine and I swallow hard, I never expected it to be this hard. I take a few steps forward, my hands in the pockets of my jeans.

"Hi Eff" I whisper to her, and in that moment she breaks. Her expression is so broken and yet joyful.

"Don't fucking hi Eff me, Naomi", she chokes out, standing up and looking at me defiantly in the eyes almost as if to fight to urge to run to me or to stay where she is.

I walk towards her, tears falling freely down my cheeks and try to wrap my arms around her, she fights me pushing me away but I cling to her for dear life. She finally stops fighting and breaks down in my arms. I've only seen Effy cry like this once, just after she found out she was pregnant and it hit her that Freddie really was dead.

I whisper I'm sorry over and over, guilt burning through me. I never knew. I knew. But I didn't. That sounds so stupid but I guess I thought she'd be okay, I thought maybe she wouldn't need me. We stood like this for a while, her sobs eventually slow down but I never let go or loosen my grip. When Effy finally looks up at me, I'm shocked by the love glowing from her eyes, so pure and needy. It was then I finally realised it, for so long we've both believed we were tainted and so broken and incapable of loving or being loved, but without even knowing it we had loved each so selflessly, so unconditionally, so wholesomely. I began to cry and realized how stupid I'd been.

I was surprised when Effy's lips found mine, pushing gently against mine, her tongue slipping into my mouth, shocked I didn't response for a second until I kissed her back with the same gentle but reassuring force. I knew this wasn't a romantic kiss it was a kiss of life. A moment shared between two people so connected that I knew, no matter what happened Effy was mine and I was hers. We'd been through it all together, this kiss was reassurance I'd never leave her again, it was love, trust and comfort. It was the only way Effy could tell me how much she loved me. It lasted a few moments before we pulled away, smiled at each other through our tears and hugged.

"I've missed you Campbell", she murmured softly to me. I chuckled and squeezed her tighter telling her I felt the same.

Once Cook and Freddie returned the four of sat around eating ice-creaming, I recounted my tales of Spain and a small trip to Paris and Italy and Cook filled me in on life in England, all the while Effy held my hand underneath the table and Cook rested his hand on my knee while we laughed, joked and enjoyed each other's company. It was comforting knowing I'd been missed, knowing that they still needed me as much as I needed them. Yes, I'd learnt to be by myself and rely on myself but having family means just because you can doesn't mean you have to be alone.

Sometime later, I bid my family goodnight and stepped with a big breath into my room. The first thing I noticed was the bed was unmade, and I couldn't help but smile and wonder, silently praying Effy and Cook hadn't had sex and forgotten to change the sheets. I frowned remembering Emily and I in my bed. Moans, breathy whispers and wandering hands invaded my conscious, and I shook my head and threw my bags down before stripped down to my undies and throwing on an old baggy t-shirt. I climbed into bed, letting myself sink into the warmth and comfort of my own bed. I expected to fall asleep straight away but Emily sneaking her way into my thoughts and soul kept me awake as always. I closed my eyes and surrendered to her. She was laughing at me, her dark eyes glowering at me with love. I smiled to myself as I watched her giggle, she was forever seventeen year old Emily to me. I'm pulled from my Emily when I feel a body snuggle up next to me in bed.

"Hello Eff" I say softly and smiling without opening my eyes, knowing immediately who it is.

"Sorry for not making the bed", she whispers to me, snuggling into my shoulder.

"As long it wasn't you and Cook having sex it's fine" I chuckle at her

"Nah, that was on your desk" she replies.

I open my eyes and stare at her disgusted when she begins to laugh and I slap her playfully.

"You slept her because you needed to get away from Cook", I said looking at the ceiling.

"No" comes the soft reply and I glance at her confused, " I slept here because I needed you"

I smile sadly and drawn her closer.

"Emily slept here a few times too", I stiffen at this and pull away from Effy, sitting up and swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. I couldn't be in this bed. Not if Emily had been here recently, thousands of bittersweet memories washed over me.

"I'm sorry" comes Effy in the darkness and gently pulls me back down to the bed.

"It's in the past" I say to her and pull her back to me.

"She turned up drunk a few times, calling out for you. By the time I'd wake up she was gone away. One night she and Panda came for dinner, and for a moment she had me convinced to go and find you with her" she murmurs to me softly squeezing my hand in comfort.

"Really?" I whisper shocked, that Emily cared that much even after I ran away and how awful I was to her.

"Yeah, but that was ages ago. I haven't seen her for awhile now", comes Effy's sleepily reply, I feel my heart twinge with disappointment at that.

My bedroom door opens and the soft pad of feet cross my floorboards, Freddie falling between Effy and I snuggling up to his mother. I smile and kiss his head, as within minutes him and Effy are sound asleep. I stay awake, wondering about Emily, where she was, how she was doing. As I fight to stay awake some time later, I vaguely here my door open away and a dip in the bed, before passing out from exhaustion


	12. Babysitting

Her chocolate brown eyes bore into me as she straddled me, her bare legs on mine. I felt myself shiver from her intense stare, and she smirked at me, scrapping her fingernails down the length of my body, barely brushing my breasts and lingering outside my dripping hot centre.

"Emily" I whispered, my voice trembling with emotion and desire. Her lips danced on my face and I felt her fingers enter me.

"Wake up!"

I snapped up in bed, staring at Freddie laughing at me, his hair sticking up in his aeroplane pyjamas. I glance at my bed to see Cook and Effy still sound asleep, and I smile softly, thinking about the four of us snuggled up in bed together. I lay back and pull Freddie to me as he whispers things to me about planes and trucks.

I sigh contentedly at the small boy in arms, as I listened to Freddie talking I couldn't help but imagine Emily holding a little blonde girl with blue eyes in her arms, smiling and laughing.

I opened my eyes was such a bittersweet thought, I turned my head glancing at a very aware Effy staring at me. I smiled and she returned the smile before shaking Cook to wake up.

"Cook, wake up and make us breakfast", she smacked him jokingly.

"Make your own breakfast, you hussy" he replied sleepily and snuggling closer to her.

"No, none of that snuggling. Breakfast, or no sex for you", Effy said moving closer to Freddie and me.

"Fine, bloody tease", he grumbled getting out of bed, "Morning Naomikins, Fredster you coming we need to make our queens their breakfast. The major queen being Naomi of course"

"Shut up", I laughed at him, "Twat"

"You love it" was Cooks reply stumbling blearily out of the room, Freddie close behind him.

"Oh Nomi, I forgot to ask," Freddie said stopping outside the door, "Why did you say Emily's name in a funny voice in your sleep?"

I blinked hard, my face turning the same colour as Emily's hair

"What voice" asked Effy sitting up.

"Like this; Emily" said Freddie imitating my moan, while I fell back onto my pillows in shame, as Cook's booming laugh and Effy's soft chuckle filled my ears.

"Out" called Effy to Freddie giggling, before turning to me smirk and raised eyebrow in place.

"Just shut up" I replied burying my face deep into my pillow.

"No"

"What about"

"No"

"How about that place on"

"No"

"For fuck sake Effy, you have to find a dress for tomorrow night. Cook is actually making an effort", I cried out in irritation. It had been a few days since my arrival home and I had found it very easy to slip back into domestic life.

"I know and I want to look good, no better than good", Effy replied staring through a shop window

"You could look better than good in a fucking plastic bag" , I mutter at her before freezing. The same red hair, the gentle sway of those sensual hips. Emily. My heart began to race and my mouth went dry. She was all I could think about. She was like oxygen and here she was walking right towards me.

"Hello Effy", her sexy husky voice filled my ears and I struggled not to come undone just from her voice. Jesus. I smiled goofily at her.

"Hello Emily", Effy replied smiling warmly, glancing between Emily and me.

"Still need me to babysit tomorrow?", Emily asked, not even glancing at me.

"Yeah, that would be brilliant. About 7 yeah?", Effy replied

"See you then", Emily grinned at her before strolling past us.

What the fuck.

I must have looked hilarious, with all the conflicting emotions on my face because Effy was laughing.

"What just happened?", I asked myself and her, "I'm not wearing my invisible cloak by mistake am I?"

"Nope", replied Effy before walking forward leaving me perplexed, upset and surprisingly aroused.

Hold up. Babysitting. Freddie. My house. Emily. What the fuck?

"Effy", I said chasing after her.

I fiddled with my vest for the fifth time and watched as Effy applies the last of her make up.

"Jesus, Naomi, I'm the one going out and you're more worried about your outfit than I am", said Effy staring at me through the mirror.

"Sorry, I just don't get why she'd still come if she knew I was here, its clear she hates me", I reply vaguely thinking about the power of the blank Emily had flawlessly delivered to me yesterday. I was little spinning.

"Because I told her you wouldn't be home", Effy replied nonchalantly.

"What?", I screamed at her, "Why the fuck would you do that?"

" She rang last night and asked if we still needed her with you being home and I said you would be out anyway so we did"

"But I'm not out Effy, I'm very clearly in front of you" I reply, feeling like a blood vessel was about to pop out of my forehead.

"Don't do that, you know that vein scares me in your head, Naomi", Effy replied putting things in her purse.

"Don't you dare act so fucking nonchalant with me, you have no right meddle in my affairs" I shout at her, I felt angry and betrayed.

"Get over yourself Naomi, you may think your different from before you left but the situation is still the same. And you haven't exactly made the effort to contact Emily since you've got back and in all honesty you ran away the same as always and its about fucking time you stood up and fucking fought for Emily, if you actually truly love her"

I stood shocked by Effy's outburst and distantly I hear the doorbell ring and Cook's booming voice. Fuck.

"I love you, Naomi, so much that I will push you because I know deep down that Emily is it for you", Effy whispered softly to me before brushing my lips with hers and exiting the room.

I stayed in Effy and Cook's room for ages, listening to the house.; to Effy and Cook's goodbyes, Freddie's excited voice for Emily to play x-box with him, Emily's soft husky one saying she was going to whip his butt.

Now I listened to Freddie's giggles and Emily's soft chuckles, and I felt my heart turn over. Could I honest face Emily, after everything? It was true what Effy said I had run away from Emily because I couldn't deal with the pressure of staying. It was easy to blame Emily, but I should've stayed and listened and tried to work it out. I jumped off the bed, and run down the stairs.

I arrived in the lounge room finding it empty before following the voices and padding into the kitchen.

"Nomi!" Freddie cried with joy as he saw me. Emily was cutting him a slice of cake for after dinner. She stared at me, several emotions flickered across her face; shock, anger, hurt and finally she went blank, glancing down and swearing to herself.

"Shit", she mumbled and I glanced down and saw her hand bleeding.

"Jesus", I cried, before rushing forward to help her and reaching for her hand with a tea towel.

"Don't", she growled, "Don't fucking touch me", before snatching the tea towel and walking over to the sink and running her hand under the water. I stood back shocked by her reaction but pressed forward to help her.

"Does it need stitches? Do I need to call or drive you somewhere?" I asked her concerned as I ushered Freddie back into the lounge to his game.

"No, its not deep just long. Do you have a first aid kit?", she mumbled to me.

So here I find myself, sitting on one side of the lounge and Emily as far as possible on the other side, a couple of bottles of wine between us. We hadn't spoken since I'd gotten her our first aid kit and then poured her a glass of wine and watched as she fixed herself off growling at me if I tried to help her. Freddie was asleep and some crappy romantic comedy played while we sat in silence.

"I'm going to bed", she said standing up and walking upstairs. I watched her go, and couldn't help but think how beautiful she was. Stop it Naomi, she doesn't want anything to do with you.

"Goodnight, Emily" I whispered softly and stared at the place she had been before turning off the television and going to my room. Stripping off, I threw on my pink pig t-shirt, a favourite of Emily's that she use to steal from me. I was almost in bed when a knock at my door interrupted my train of thought. Thinking it was Freddie, I called for the knocker to come in and was very surprised when Emily tentatively opened my door and stepped into my room.

She looked awkward, still fully dressed and I couldn't help but think she was cute when she was unsure.

"Um, I'm sorry to bother you but I need your help. Um. I can't get the buttons", she whispered softly, " My hand is too swollen".

"Oh" I said softly, realizing she needed my help undressing

"Forget it actually, I'll just sleep in my clothes", she said turning away

"No" I screamed, then coughing at the volume and whispering "No, I'll help".

Her back took a shaky breath and she turned around and walked towards me. Her red hair hung loose over her shoulders and I struggled not to reach out and run my fingers through it. Sexual tension clung to the air but I knew Emily wouldn't have felt it.

I felt her stiffen as I gently reach for her buttons, and I realize we're both shaking. Slowly I undid each button, revealing her creamy torso, and I swallowed hard in both awe at her beauty and arousal. I softly pushed the shirt down her shoulders and she physically quivered at my touch. It fell to the floor, and we stared at each other. Her chocolate eyes so conflicted and yet deep in them I saw desire. The air was tense between us, so still as we stared lost in each other's eyes. I let my hands fall loosely on her hips bringing her closer to me until we were centimetres apart, barely brushing each other's skin.

"Don't touch", she half choked and growled at me but I didn't pull away.

"Don't touch", I whispered nodding to her and reaffirming I wouldn't. Feeling courageous, I gently leant forward and breathed my hot breath on her neck, enticing a breathy moan from her lips. No touching I reminded myself. Ghost touches.

I barely brushed my lips all down her neck, her breathing hitching as she tried defiantly not to moan. She didn't touch me and my hands remained on her hips, gently massaging with my fingertips. I dipped my head, my lips barely touching her chests. I slowly work my way down, trying not to moan as she breathing turns fast. I reach her pants line before working my way back, grazing over both her breasts and back to her neck before pulling away and looking at her.

Our eyes met and I saw love, desire and want and in a second it was gone, replaced by anger, hurt and betrayal. I hear the rebounding smack before I feel it and I stare at her in shock as she stares at me tears falling down her perfect cheeks.

"Emily" I choked out but I'm silenced as two lips smash against mine and I'm pushed against the wall. She pulls at my hair, pulling me to her as she pushes her tongue into my mouth and we fight for dominance. Our tears mingle as we clutch at each other. Then as abruptly as it begins its over and I'm felt gasping against my bedroom wall staring at the vacant space that once held Emily Fitch.


	13. Grand Gestures

**Author Note; I do not own anything! I feed off reviews and I'm so very hungry ;) **

**Author Suggestion; open youtube, type in kate nash nicest thing and listen as you read adds to the atmosphere.**

"Well fuck me"

"I know"

"But you didn't tell her?"

"She didn't give me a chance"

"Well I guess it's time for a grand gesture"

I stare at Effy, bewildered and raise my eyebrow, with a what the fuck are you talking about look on my face.

"You know, a really big gesture that sums up everything you feel about her, how much she means to you and how sorry you are", replied Effy, fiddling with her camera as she snapped shots of me playing guitar on our porch, as I recounted my evening with Emily and how of course when I awoke the next morning she had disappeared.

I stared at her blankly.

"Oh come, Naoms, you know in the movies, some big fucking gesture at the end. Like a giant banner, poster, poem, big speech, marriage proposal, chasing her at an airport", laughed Effy at my disgusted expression, before looking between my guitar and me mysteriously, "maybe even a song".

"Fuck off", I say laughing before realizing she's serious, " come on, me sing? To Emily?"

"Well it would be terribly romantic though, and we both know that deep down Emily is a sucker for romance", she replied dreamily.

"Effy, you've been fucking Cook too much, you've clearly taken a love injury to the head", I reply, strumming and humming a tune, " One; it would be mortifying, she'd think I was a total twat. Two; I may be able to sing okay but I definitely can't play well enough and three; I doubt there is a song to make up my feelings for Emily"

"Well, Naomi, one; you're a great singer and we could ask Cook if he knows some people in a band, two; there must be a song you know that you listen to because it sums up Emily to you in a whole and three; maybe that exactly what you need, to be a complete twat and embarrass yourself for Ems, show her how far you'd go for her", replied Effy finishing her roll of film and sitting next to me, her hand resting on top of one of mine.

"Well I think your right I do need a gesture but I don't know about singing, give me a few days", I replied as she stood up and smiled at me

"Just don't leave it to long, Naomi, time is against you right now, the longer you leave Emily out in the cold the faster she'll slip through your fingers and remember, its about Emily, it doesn't have to be singing her some stupid song, its about showing her you love her", she throws over her shoulder before leaving me out in the dying afternoon sung, my thoughts consumed by Emily.

"Okay, troops, we all know why we're here and its time to put 'Operation Grand Gesture' into action", I said as I paced our living room with Freddie, Effy and Cook all sitting around looking smiling at me, "Cook, everything organised on your end?"

"Yes, Captain Blondie", Cook laughed at me, before quietening down at my serious expression

"Sergeant Stonem, you have everything in place?", I asked smiling but with a stern voice.

"Yes, ma'am, everything is in position"

"And Private Stonem-McClair, do you understand our mission?", I asked the little boy, very seriously.

"Yes, Captain Nomi, our mission is to make Aunty Emily fall in love with you and then she will take care of the fire in your pants", replied the little boy giggling.

"Cook! You didn't have to repeat that you know", I yelled at him, my face burning.

"Oh come on, Naomikins, he doesn't know what it means", Cook giggled like a schoolgirl with Effy.

"You better get ready, Naomi, you haven't got long", Effy called to me as I left the room.

"Here goes nothing", I mutter to myself before getting ready.

The rooftop party was in full swing, it was Effy's newest opening, lanterns casted soft half glows, the smell of exotic food filled the air, the gentle sway of jazz filled my eyes along with the soft rumble of people mingling and clinking of drinking glasses. I inhaled and exhaled sharply; nerves begin to set in as I caught a glimpse of Emily through the crowd.

She looked stunning, a short navy dress that clung in all the right places, her hair long like that in her teens, falling over her shoulders in that vibrant head. I was transfixed. She seemed so light and careless, so uninhibited and natural. Maybe she doesn't need me, I thought to myself; maybe she'd be better off without me. Then I caught sight of the bandage wrapped around her hand, and a thousand emotions and images washed over me. Barely touching, barely living, I couldn't continue to barely love Emily. I glanced down at myself, I wasn't dressed for a party but dressed as me. Ripped up white jeans with a black vest top and leather jacket pulled over the front and red heels.

I had shakily applied a light amount of make-up, putting emphasis on making my eyes smoky blue and deep red lipstick. I smiled at myself, before realizing it was almost time, my heart skipping a beat. The lights began to dim, emitting the softest of glows over the crowded rooftop. I'm presently hidden behind a huge screen, which was Effy's new work, a huge video montage of our teenage years; our relationships, our drinking and drug use, our fucking, our happy moments, our sad moments.

I never remembered Effy with a single camera yet it was all there, all of us. Cook. Effy. Panda. Freddie. Thomas. JJ. Katie. Me. Emily. We were Effy's work. The dimming is my signal and I wait as the other members of the band walk on stage and set everything up, my grip on guitar tightening as I try not to have a panic attack. Emily. That's all that matters.

Somehow I find the courage as I step onto the stage, my identity still hidden and the screen flicks on. I see Emily, as horror and shock transform over her face but I never break eye contact with her_. I love you, Emily._

"It was always you", I whisper into the microphone in front of me, my eyes never leaving Emily's. I hear the soft melody begin and my fingers find the notes of my guitar perfectly and I lose myself in the lullaby and Emily's eyes, my voice filling the silent rooftop while my teenage years with Emily and the gang play on the screen.

_All I know is that you're so nice_

_You're the nicest thing I've seen_

_I wish that we could give it a go_

_See if we could be something_

_I wish I was your favourite girl_

_I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world_

_I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile_

_I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style_

_I wish you couldn't figure me out_

_But you always wanna know what I was about_

_I wish you'd hold my hand_

_When I was upset_

_I wish you'd never forget_

_The look on my face when we first met_

_I wish you had a favourite beauty spot_

_That you loved secretly_

_'Cause it was on a hidden bit_

_That nobody else could see_

_Basically, I wish that you loved me_

_I wish that you needed me_

_I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,_

_Actually I meant three_

_I wish that without me your heart would break_

_I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake_

_I wish that without me you couldn't eat_

_I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep_

_Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen_

_And I wish that we could see if we could be something_

_Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something _

As the melody died away, I felt icy droplets hit my face, mingling with the hot tears already streaming down my face. I never break contact with Emily, even as the song and video finish and the rain starts to pour, and its just before the rooftop goes black I realize she's crying too.


	14. Rain

Within seconds of the blackout, all hell broke out on the rooftop. People running everywhere for shelter like a stampede, yelling and laughter filled the air yet I stood on the stage amidst all of it, searching for Emily. She had disappeared in the blink of an eye and I couldn't help but struggle to fight the tears threatening to overflow down my cheeks. Drenched to the bone, my make up ran and I felt my clothes cling to my skin as the icy rain and my tears blurred my vision. Divine justice, I choked out a bitter laugh to myself, she was the one running from me now.

The lights flickered on and I saw Effy laughing and dancing with Cook in the rain, he spun her around and dipped her. They were so happy and I was jealous and hateful towards their happiness. Disgusted at myself, I silently crept off the rooftop and hailed a cab home, I couldn't be in this city tonight.

Lying in bed, clad in my wet vest and underwear I shivered refusing to take it off as if it was my only reminder of feeling. I felt dead. A broken empty vessel, words couldn't express how I felt, drowning in red. I cried softly into my pillow, pain flooding into my soul. I hear the door click open echoing in the silent rainy room and push my head into my pillow away from the dark room flickering with the lightning from outside.

"Fuck off, Effy, I'm not in the mood to talk", I say to the darkness.

"It's not Effy", comes a husky reply in the darkness

I bolt up in bed, standing at the foot of my bed and stare at the quivering figure in my doorway. I see Emily's silhouette shut the door and slowly walk towards me, stopping a few feet away from me. Changed from her dress into a t-shirt and jeans, she's completely drenched, her clothes clinging to her and her hair slicking, water dripping from her red trestles. She looks gorgeous, even with her eyes red from crying and her face slightly puffy.

She's trembling when she pulls her dripping t-shirt from her body and throws it to the floor revealing her creamy perfect breasts scarcely clad in a black lace bra. Her eyes never leave mine, as she unbuttons her jeans and pushes them down her long lean legs. I'm confused, happy and aroused, but a part of me has to say something.

"Don't say a fucking word, Naomi. No more fucking words", Emily growls at me before stepping out of her jeans and walking towards me. Our eyes remained locked as her hand shakily reach for my vest, pulling it over my head and throwing it across the room, already I can feel warmth flooding between my legs. We stare at each other for what seems like hours, the only sounds in the room being our hitched breathing and the rain pouring on the cottage roof.

Emily takes a deep breath and I try not to gasp as she unclips her bra, freeing her perfect breasts from their lacy cage and throws it to the ground. She looks over my shoulder as I drink her in, trying not to moan at her body. She looks at me expectantly and I understand what this is. She's baring it all to me and it's raw and naked (no pun intended). It's hate and love. It's affection and fear. It's a slap and a loving kiss. It's her. It's all Emily.

The room is heating up and I can see the crude want in Emily's eyes mingled with love, desire and affection. With shaking fingers, my fingers fumble with my clasp and I slowly slip my bra down to the ground. I tried not to flinch at her openly gazing at me like a predator and her prey. I closed my eyes, trying to slow my furiously beating heart, which I swore Emily must've been able to hear.

Two hands roughly pushed me onto the bed, I gasp as I unexpectedly hit the bed landing on my back, Emily climbing on top of me, straddling me with pure want in her eyes. Her lips crash into mine, so hard I'm sure my lips are bruised as her tongue begs for entrance and I instantly grant it. We moan in unison as our bare chests touch, and I feel myself cling to Emily pulling us closer together. We roll around my bed, fighting for dominance of course Emily lands on top, kissing fiercely as though each kiss would be our last and moans and groans fill the room. Emily pulls back, staring at me, panting hard.

"Stop thinking", she whispers to me, "Let go, I'll catch you".

I stare into Emily's chocolate orbs as I process her words, before leaning up and gently running my fingers through her hair tenderly and kissing her in a soft chaste kiss. It was a kiss to convey everything, to say that I loved her with every single fibre of my being.

The kiss quickly turned passionate, as we fall into each other, becoming a blur of red and blonde. Hands slowly grazing softly, over hardened nipples and nails scratching teasingly up thighs. I sit up with Emily straddling me, gazing up at her lovingly as I kiss, nip and lick my way down her neck before mischievously kissing her nipples enticing a hiss from her, and finally opening my mouth suckling on the hardened tip, my other hand coming up to flick the other one. Emily arches to me and moans loudly, gripping my head to her chest as I simultaneously tease and cup her breasts.

Her nails bit into my back and she scraps them down my back, trailing into my underwear and cupping my bottom, and I moan into Emily's chest. Emily smirks at me mischievously, before flipping us so I'm on my back, repeating my actions back onto my body.

I wither as her hands teasingly dip in and out of the front of my underwear, slowly and deliberately she kisses down my stomach, glancing at me for permission before pulling my underwear slowly down my legs. I know I'm dripping as Emily smiles sexily before spreading my legs and plunging her mouth straight into my hot wet centre.

Surprised by both her actions and the pleasure, I cried out her name and holding her head with my both my hands, thrusting against her as she laps at my swollen nub mercilessly. I'm moaning and sweat has broken out over my body and I think I've died and gone to heaven, as she inserts two fingers inside me rubbing against my g-spot. I grip the sheets, swearing softly over and over as I get closer and closer to my release.

"So close", I murmur to her and I realize what I want as I abruptly pull away, stopping Emily and smiling reassuringly at her when she stared at me confusion present in her eyes. I flip us again, so I'm on top. I kiss Emily hard, moaning, as I taste myself on her mouth.

I slowly kiss and suckle my way down her body, stopping at her pink nipples for some heavy petting earning a loud 'fuck' as my reward, while slipping my knee between her legs and grinding her dripping wet core, enticing an involuntary breathy gasp from Emily. I push her legs open as I kiss down, gently biting her hipbone as I position myself between her legs. I nibble up her thighs, and I cant help but smile as she giggles at my nibbling.

"It's suppose to be sexy, Ems", I say laughing at her.

"You don't need to try to be sexy", came her husky reply, "I want to rip your clothes off every second I see you"

I stare at her and smirk, grabbing her head and kissing her as hard and passionately as I can, pulling back as she pants for air and I feel a renewed passion and desire to remove every inch of this woman's clothes and fuck her senseless.

I rip her underwear in half, remove it and throwing it to the ground, as she stares at me mouth open and eyes wide, with shock and arousal.

"I'm going to fuck you senseless" I growl at her, and plunge my tongue inside her. She arches, gripping the sheets until her back isn't even touching the bed, I suck her clit and thrust my fingers inside of her, pumping in and out, I nearly come just watching Emily wither and moan, thrashing about on the sheets. As soon as I know she's about to slip over the edge, I flip us again, adjusting us until I'm sitting on my knees with Emily's legs around my waist. I slip my fingers back to Emily's clit before moving deeper inside her curving my hand until I was pumping into her and moving against her clit simultaneous furiously and her eyes roll into her head with pleasure, her nails dragging across my shoulder.

"Open your legs", she half pants and groans at me and I do as I'm told, growling as I feel reach down and thrust her fingers inside of me, mirroring my movements to her. We groan together, and I feel the fire building inside of me and I know I'm so close. It's intense, pure pleasure and as I feel Emily's walls contract around my fingers as she moans my name over and over, I come undone. Together we are rocked by waves of pleasure and ecstasy, climaxing with each other's names in our throats, before collapsing with Emily on top of me in a heap of pants, sweat and orgasmic after glow.


	15. Family

**Author Note; The final instalment of this story. It's a bit rushed but enjoy :) Review, tell me what you liked, hated, if you think it could go further, or even if you want me to begin my newest fic;_ The Romancing of Emily Fitch. _B_ut Review! :D_**

I woke up with a smile on my face, memories of Emily engulfing my senses; the rain, climaxing together, being woken at one in the morning by a very horny Emily, waking Emily at four because I'm very horny and finally falling asleep with a very cute Emily in my arms and smile on my face. I roll over in bed, my hand reaching for my beautiful redhead only to be reaching into thin air. I don't open my eyes, panic and sadness filling me as I struggle not to cry. I breathe deeply and heavily, trying to suppress my sobs.

The plucking of string notes, pull me from my conscious, and I sit up, nearly breaking my neck as I snapped it around, my mouth hanging open and eyes nearly bulging at the sight before me.

My room was filled with orchids in vases, bundles and wrapped up, the sweet smell was overpowering and I couldn't help but let out a teary giggle. All kinds of colours and sizes; I was in complete awe. I smiled because there was only one person who knew how much I loved the delicate flower and she was presently sitting cross legged completely naked on my desk, playfully strumming my guitar, the sexiest smirk I have ever seen on her lips.

"Thought I'd gone?" she whispered to me smiling.

"Not at all", I smile at her, before standing up gathering the sheet around me and kissing her softly, "it's beautiful, Ems, but I don't deserve it"

I look around the room and finally looking down at the floor, sadly. A hand grabs my chin, and Emily's soulful eyes bore into mine

"You do deserve it, and so much more", she tells me before kissing me deeply before pulling away and resting her forehead against mine, " I love you Naomi Campbell, I've always fucking loved you"

"I love you too, Emily", I whisper back, a stray tear falling down my cheek

"The truth is Naomi, no one makes me as angry, upset, sad or just down right pissed but no one makes me as happy as you do. I love you", she smiles to me our heads still resting and I stare into Emily's chocolate eyes seeing everything I ever wanted

"I know", I mutter to her before linking my fingers with hers, closing my eyes as I tell her, "I love you too because the truth is, I was born the day I fell in love with you and I'll die before I ever stop"

"I've made a thousand mistakes Emily, but the one moment I regret was not staying with you. Not having the courage to stay, cause honestly I was looking for the moment you let me down to walk away" I tell her, "But I was wrong because I may be scared to be with you but I'm more scared to be without you".

Emily kisses me then, stopping my rant and words allowing our actions to convey all our deep hidden feelings. The kiss conveys everything between us love, fidelity, faith, affection, desire, stability and longevity, it's bittersweet and right and wrong all at the same time. We pull back panting and a thought occurs to me.

"Ems, did you ever get my postcard?" I asked her, suddenly remembering my two words that summed up everything that was Emily for me.

In true Effy fashion, Emily just smiled and jumped off the desk and walked over to wear her jeans sat discarded from last night, while I stared at her beautiful naked body.

"Don't look at my bum", she growled at me before grinning and picked something out of her pants pocket.

As she got closer I realized it was my postcard, scrunched up but still the same as the day I posted it.

"It hasn't left my possession since I received it" Emily murmurs to me, before tugging the sheet off my body and pulling me towards my bed, "You're it for me as well".

The next year seemed to fly by, Emily and Cook had officially moved in with Effy and I, but unofficially we still kept Effy's loft in case one of needed it for work or just to get away. We had talked about moving out and getting our own places but we decided we were a family and wanted to stay together.

The first few months it hadn't been easy with the more than occasional screaming match but the make up sex was definitely worth the fight. Emily's café was booming, Effy's shows now were exhibiting the beauty of the naked body and Cook had been more than willing to be her muse, and much to my dismay even Emily had offered to be a model. My travel journal had been published, praised as a sensual lover's internal growth and guide to domestic Cyprus, and I had dedicated it to Emily and Effy, the two loves of my life.

Effy and Cook were unexpectedly expecting, and Freddie was ecstatic at the thought of a little brother or sister. Emily and I had talked about children and even picked a donor, but with work and Effy and Cook's new, we hadn't found the time to take it any further. Through Cook and Emily, Effy and I had reconnected with the rest of the gang, holding some rather memorable and even unmemorable (due to alcohol excess) parties at our house.

For the moment life seemed to be turning out pretty unexpectedly good, sure sometimes I was a twat and drove Emily crazy and sometimes Emily was a moody minger but that was love.

"Naomi, you twat, I've been talking to you for the past ten minutes", Emily snaps me out of my reverie, smiling as she hands me a glass of wine and instructs me to take the bottle out onto the table.

Sitting at the table, Cook and Effy were laughing with Freddie and they all grinned at me as I poured the wine and Emily followed behind with a huge platter of spaghetti bolognas.

As I glanced at the five of us around the table, I feel a sense of content flow over me and I smile, before turning to Effy and Cook.

"So what's this big news, we already know Effy's knocked up, what else is there?", I smirk when Effy pokes her tongue out at me

"We're getting married, Naomikins, I asked her to hitch me and I don't know why but she's said yes, probably cause she knows no one will want her once she's the size of a Volvo", Cook booms over the table.

A night of congratulation hugs, wine and reminiscing followed and I was shocked at the slight jealousy I felt at Cook and Effy's leaps forward in their relationship, a baby and marriage but I knew Emily and I would get there and I smiled as I feel her hand lazily tracing shapes over my inner thigh and squeezing it in reassurance.

As we settle in for a movie after Freddie goes to bed, I pull Emily into a passionate kiss and she giggles as I peck her on the nose.

"Naoms, I forgot to get the mail in, would you mind?" she calls to me as I stand up to get another glass of wine.

"Sure thing, want a glass of red? You didn't have one with dinner", I smile at her, indicating to my glass

"Nah I'm okay thanks babe", she replies before turning back to the TV.

I wander outside and to the mailbox, smiling at our rundown but homely cottage and how some things never change. Flicking through the mail; _Bills, bills, Cook's porn, postcard, letter from my editor, wait what?_

I glance at the postcard in the moonlight I can see it's from London and addressed to me. I walk inside perplexed, wondering why anyone would send me a postcard from London. Coming into the light, I'm frozen as I finally make out the words on the postcard. I begin to grin madly as I make two words written in Emily's neat handwriting.

_I'm pregnant. _

Fin.

Hope you liked it, let me know your thoughts x.


End file.
